There’s an age old question with an answer that can go in a few different directions depending on how anal retentive one wants to be: If a tree falls in a forest, and no one is around to hear it, does it still make a sound? The answer should be obvious but how we answer it as individuals will oft depend on perspective: is our existence driven (and therefore determined as meaningful) by the perception of others OR do we exist, simply because we are?

Don’t be fooled by false realities

In the age of social media, the nuances of daily living have become an aesthetic. Errbody and their mama have a podcast, a website, and a brand. A “quick” dinner is a gourmet feast that tends to look better (or worse) on camera than it tastes to the people being served but our spirits are seemingly uplifted when our followers provide appreciation for our culinary talents and efforts. Time with family and friends is filled with endless selfies and social media posts that appear much more fun and engaging than the event that is actually occurring. And hashtags on the latest viral trend drag our eyes away from embracing the present moment to instead endlessly scroll a ‘For You’ or Homepage in a desire to see and be seen, known, “liked” and validated.

But if we are carefully cultivating the image we want to present of ourselves in 15 second blurbs to people who likely don’t even know or care about the reason behind the last time we cried: we must know that we are also consuming the same surface level information about others and as any beady-eyed pigeon will tell you, bread crumbs given from human hands only make you hungrier. Dissatisfied. Unfulfilled. Searching for more….the danger being in making an assumption that what is seen is a true reality lived out by ourselves or others. It can lead us to build altars of praise to those that are simply unworthy of such adoration or reverence due to their existence within the same fallible humanity we all possess. Not only that, a habit of dining on shallow social connection can also cause us to think we are truly showing up for people by merely ‘liking’ or commenting on social media posts or by shooting off a quick text we don’t truly mean, i.e. “praying for you, girl! Let me know if you need something”….instead of just showing up to her doorstep to face her tears and laying praying, comforting hands on her or bringing by the meal you know she and her family need as they expend the bulk of their energy dealing with their current crises. We don’t bother getting deep or going below the surface with anyone and somehow assume that its enough to meet their needs and ours. Even worse, we also assume that someone else will do it when its needed…but what happens to that poor soul if no one else steps up?

“To err is human, To love is Divine”

-Yve

(full disclosure: the first half of this quote is from a really old English guy. I only changed one word to make it mine.)

Its ok to crave deeper connection. Its how and why we were created. And admitting this doesn’t make us weak. It makes us human.

Let me break this down for the naysayers in the back because despite the world telling us that it is better to appear strong and impenetrable, that its a dog eat dog world so the vulnerable get used, crushed, or manipulated, yadda yadda yadda—being 100% bulletproof is neither sustainable nor reality. (Ok maybe its not the whole world telling us this, but just certain <ahem> millennial/boomer toxic social circles….)

As Christ followers, we know our identities are found in Christ. We are neither defined by how others perceive us nor is our worth and value dictated by whether we are embraced or disdained. We were created by God to be fully loved and fully known by God….yet, even in the garden, God said it wasn’t good for Adam to be alone and therefore created Eve. We are not independent. We are interdependent. And holistic fulfillment (spirit, soul, & body) comes from intimacy and emotional depth within relationships: with ourselves, with God, and with others. Intimacy requires vulnerability and openness, a willingness to expose oneself to another, flaws and all, with the risk of being rejected or accepted. Because we live in a fallen world and we are all susceptible to sin, that rejection and acceptance is guaranteed to be of a cyclical nature. Its also worth noting that in Christ, God never intended for all of our emotional & spiritual needs to be met solely by our family, our romantic partners, or even just our friends and acquaintances. Every connection and relationship God has us in serves a purpose—its truly a group effort!

Moreover, in order to ensure we aren’t shattered by rejection and the perceived quality of our person isn’t falsely tied to popularity or public acceptance, what must come first, is a foundation that can only be found in a solid, one on one relationship with God. So when emotional pain inevitably comes, thru loss, betrayal, or neglect i.e., yes, it will hurt like hell if someone weaponizes a whispered secret, or we don’t get invited to the girl-gathering that everyone else in the group seems to have known about, except you; however, in the grand scheme of things, our connection with God is what matters the most. Its all we truly have to sustain us.

Build intimacy with God, first and foremost

Through spiritual disciplines such as prayer, reading the Word, silent walks where we open our minds and our hearts to hear His voice, or solo praise & worship, we must regularly seek opportunities to allow His Spirit to pour into us, heal our brokenness, remove the lies of the enemy, and lavish us with His love, Truth, and wisdom (my strong suggestion and unabashed hint: Ephesians 1 is positively swoon-worthy. Start there! 1 John 3 is also a goodie.)

When we look away from ourselves and focus on Him, we are reminded that our identities are firmly established on how He defines us with meaning, purpose, and a to-die-for love, without bearing on whether others agree with or approve of who we are or how we present ourselves to the world. This firm foundation is what fortifies us in seasons of alone-ness and it is what grounds us in seasons of being engulfed in a well-intending, yet, squawking crowd of folks who will occasionally peck at us with their judgements, needs, and self-centered opinions.

Overall, it is a fine line to walk: on the one hand we know that there is nothing we can do to make God love us more or less than He already does, but on the other hand, we also know that He calls us to love Him and others as ourselves as proof that His love exists in us. Good Samaritan sermons always prick our conscience and convict us to do and be better because we are aware we are more prone to seek out opportunities to have an all expenses paid spa day for ourselves (selfies and all) vs anonymously paying motel fees for the beat up or homeless that cross our paths.

We serve Christ by serving one another, especially serving whom the bible calls ‘the least of these’ and as the Word tells us, godly love is an action, not merely lip service. In many ways, we need to get confirmation from others on whether we hit or miss the mark in the ways in which we love them. Yet we are also challenged in Galatians 1 to not let their opinions motivate us. Instead we are to be motivated by our desire to please God—giving love because He first loved us.

Keep a healthy perspective

In lieu of all of our public ‘doing’ and our internal efforts to love and be loved by God while also desiring to be seen and acknowledged by the people in our community, it is paramount that we remember to simply “be”. To be loved by God is to simply accept it as so—it doesn’t matter the car we drive, the size of our house, whether or not we earned a college degree, or how much money we spend in tithes or time given in volunteer hours. Understanding this will prevent us from thinking of ourselves as higher or lower than we truly are—we will neither exhaust ourselves in performative people pleasing or burn out on religious acts that don’t honor the Lord .

Close your eyes and take a listen to the below song—just soak in His essence with the reminder that you have inherent worth, your life has a distinct purpose, and you are deeply loved without need of a dedicated public following or an “I’m ok” / “I’m better than great” performance. And that is enough. Once you are Spirit-filled, and your soul-fed, go be a blessing to someone else, letting them know that they are seen, they are loved, just as they are. And in doing so, you are partnering with God in eschewing the shallow nature of our surface-level society, and meeting the longing of every human heart: to be loved and accepted.

“To love God and others in a me-first society, is an act of war against spiritual darkness, and we have to go deep so we aren’t overcome. “

~Yve

Until next time,